From page 32, the Weird and Wacky Workbook for Recovery (www.weirdandwackyworkbook.com)
True/false question #1. Is there really a German reality TV-show that show-cases a person battling addiction, with the public cheering them on for sobriety?
Weird and Wacky hasn’t hit the market yet, so Appendix C isn’t commercially available. No worries. We won’t leave you hanging. You have a question, at least the one, and we promised an answer.
A crew of TV-show producers, film-makers, prompt-writers, and the make-up artists shadow 63-year-old Adelbert, a gentleman with yellow eyes and a kind smile. Adelbert has stopped at the bar. He pulls aside a stool. He sits with nobility and reflects on life. It is early. He is still sober. “Do I quit? Do I not quit? Perhaps it’s time to quit. Why, yes, thank you, I will.”
He says this is German, of course, but the statement is momentous, and a roar of delight is heard from1,324,000 living rooms from all over the country. That same roar is matched in 2263 living rooms in Spain and a dozen sofas in the United States, Italy, and South Africa.
Why does Adelbert quit drinking? Is it the public support that drives him to save his own life, knowing the world cheers each time he makes a good decision? (What if he relapses? Does this German reality show have a take two?) Whatever the case, the episode ends with Adelbert stepping into rehab. He waves good bye, his skin icteric in the light and his smile a gracious thing of beauty. The camera zooms out. Then “cut!” and it’s over.
True or false?
Is this reality TV show real? A google search for Adelbert — or a German reality TV-show centered around people with alcoholism — reveals nothing. This statement is false.
We like Adelbert’s tale, though. Although he never existed, in our book he never drinks again. He becomes the Face of Recovery, a powerful force in the universe, and he earns millions of dollars by his smile alone. He devotes his life to helping other alcoholics, talking them through the most important decision in their lives: “Do you quit? Do you not quit? Perhaps it’s time to quit. Why, yes, thank you… you will?”
Are you curious about the other questions? About the CIA, laced cocaine, and infested tobacco? Appendix A will eventually be available, we promise.