Random yes/no question: please answer

Every now and then the Weird and Wacky Workbook for Recovery comes up with a random question.  Here is this week’s allotment.

Do you like random “yes/no” questions?  Please choose from options below.*

(a) True.  I mean absolutely yes.
(b) Nope.
(c) Frankly, I’d prefer you ask my permission before using a yes/no question.
(d) Anyway, what do you get out of asking these questions?  You can’t hear my answer.  What’s the point?
(e) And what does this question have to do with your website, the Weird and Wacky Workbook for Addiction?
(f) In fact, I hate multiple choice questions.  They bring back bad memories.  That’s it.  I’m not reading any more.  Nope.  Nothing else.
(g) Yep, I’m gone.
(h) Please act like I’m not here.
(h) Okay.  I’m still here.  And yes, I (secretly) do like yes/no questions.  Thanks for asking.  Please don’t tell anyone.


*The website’s and book’s author, psychiatrist Dr. Rosenthal, apologizes.  This post has nothing to do with the book, and we’re sorry for the confusion.  It appears the website is authoring these extra articles.  At this time, it seeks to be recognized as a separate and living entity, but no worries, it represents no fluff or gruff to the public.  We don’t think there’s any reason for concer…


Here’s another random question.  Do you think websites are capable of eating psychiatrists?

(a) Yes
(b) Absolutely
(c) No doubt
(d) Yum

Thanks for visiting.  Stay tuned for our upcoming post, “What does it mean to represent no fluff or gruff to the public?”  The post will feature our next yes/no question: should websites have psychiatrists?  

 

 

 

Booklet for hire

* Handouts range from educational reviews and homework to guided journaling, artwork, and essay-writing.  Each booklet is illustrated, humored, and makes some random references to the meaning of life.  On a good day there’s enough substance to change the world as we know it.  But we’re happy with meaning of life.  You had us at meaning of life.

Puzzle: 12-step inspiration, oddlike

The following is Handout 87 from the Weird and Wacky Workbook for Recovery. Remember that inner kid, the one who loves life and imagines a brilliant future?  Okay, now imagine that same child in school learning consonants & vowels, and have a go at the following homework.


website 12 step program jpeg


* The Weird and Wacky Workbook for Recovery has more than 40 activity pages, some more cerebral than others.  Why have activities like this in a manual for recovery?

As mentioned, recovery is more than quitting drugs and alcohol.  It’s about surviving cravings, painful emotion, broken bridges, scattered thoughts, and stress.  It also marks the start of a new life narrative as a person in recovery.  The painful and the amazing.  Weird and Wacky‘s activity section offers mindless tasks and distraction for the bad times, plus a conduit for creativity, playfulness, and (hopefully) joy for the “new.”

Flying cash registers and you

This was supposed to be a “Frequently asked questions” sheet about our book, Weird and Wacky Workbook for Recovery.  But we got distracted.  You are so very interesting.   So today we answer FAQ’s about you, not us.

Disclaimer: you realize we’re a group of psychiatrists, or course?  Shrinks are good at questions, and we’re (supposed to be) even better at finding answers.  We should be more than qualified to tell you all about…well, you.  Whether that’s true remains a mystery.

Even then, we need your help.  For each question or statement, choose an option.  We’ll base our answers on your answers.

FAQ 1. “How are you today?”  Which of the following would likely be your response?new doc 2017-12-11 07.53.46_2

(a) “Fine, thank you.”
(b) “Fine, thank you.  And you?”
(c) “Fine, thank you.  And you?  I mean, is it okay for me to ask a psychiatrist that?”
(d) “How do you think I’m doing?  You’re the psychiatrist.  You tell me.  What do you think I’m paying you for?”
(e) &D^%%*__?

How’d it go?

→ 33%, 33%, and 33% of patients answer (a), (b), and (c), respectively.  These are super answers.  If you chose one of the first three, you’re a stunning picture of mental health.  We admire your progress in life.  (And we’re doing fine too.  Thanks for asking.)
→But did you choose (d)?  If so, it will unfortunately require extensive psychodynamic existential psychosurgery to determine whether you’re fine or not.  You’re the perfect patient.  We’ll see you tomorrow morning at 10AM.  For an extra 199 dollars, we’ll review your ego strengths and take you bowling.
If you chose (e), our response is 55h4&^#*%–?78  45*4.

FAQ 2.  “So what have you been doing lately?” 

weird art - flying cash register(a) “Those little cash registers are back, the ones that fly around and hide behind the fridge.  They read my mind and send messages to the government.”
(b) “I was out partying last night when I realized I’d broken curfew.  I ran so fast I lost my shoe.  Then my carriage turned into a pumpkin.”
(c) “I made a pumpkin pie.  It tasted like a carriage but, hell, it was worth it.  The Fairy Godmother was pissed.”
(d) “Last night?  I spent the night researching my psychiatrist online, why?”
(e) “I told you, &^#H&&%#.”

Here are our answers to your answers.  

→If you answered (a), then please get rid of the cash registers as soon as possible.  They’re downright scary.
→(b) Cinderella, is that you?  Can you ask the Fairy Godmother if  she knows anything about flying cash registers?
→(c) Oh, dear.
→(d) Can you also research flying cash registers?  We hear they’re sending messages to the government.
(e) &^#H&&%#, really?  As I said before, the answer is no.  Absolutely not.  We’re not allowed to treat that sort of thing.

FAQ 3. “Do you ever think you have special powers?”

(a) “God tells me I’m here to save the world.  It’s got something to do with flying cash registers and stupid quizzes.”
(b) “I live life through a series of multiple choice questions.”
(c) “Sometimes I think I can heal people’s mental problems by looking at them in a smart way and asking ridiculous questions.”
(d) “Seriously, doctor, these FAQ questions are getting annoying.”

Which option did you choose?  If you answered:

→(a) [Doctors groan] Please, no more flying cash register jokes.  What’s this about a stupid quiz?
→(b) How do you feel about these multiple choice questions?  Choose one of the following: (1) sad, (2) angry, or (3) choose one of the following: (i) it stems from my childhood, (ii) it’s based on cognitive distortions, (iii) oh, never mind.
→(c) Delusions of grandeur?  We’re going to look at you in smart way, ask stupid questions, and give you a prescription for Haldol.  You should feel better by morning.
→(d) See question #4 about enhancing frustration-tolerance.

FAQ 4. How do you deal with annoying people?

(a) “I have a large assortment of coping skills.  In fact, I’ve been told I exhibit superior frustration-tolerance abilities.  Conflict management is my middle name.”
(b) “My thoughts are very violent, so I avoid the world and surf the web looking for FAQ articles.  It’s the only relief I get.”
(d) “I stalk people who are annoying.  I take hundreds of pictures, make notes on their every movement, eavesdrop on their conversations.  For example, this is a photo I took of you at 2 this morning…”

→Hmn, I’m sensing a bit of angst in the room.  Why don’t we bring the session to a close and try again next week? That’ll be 550 dollars please. [Wait, there’s more: please move onto FAQ#5).

FAQ 5. [Doctor sighs and shivers.]  “I’m terribly sorry to inform you that your health insurance has declined coverage.  They don’t pay for FAQ-laden group therapy sessions.  That’ll be 550 dollars.  Credit card or check?”

(a) “I’ll pay with credit card.”
(b) “I’ll pay with check.”
(c) “You’ve got to be kidding me.  It was better when the flying cash registers were still around.”
(d) [A stranger enters the room, face red, fists tight, anger in their eyes; they have a history of violence and property destruction.  Arson too.]  “What?  My insurance won’t pay?  Well, just tell them that if they don’t pay I’m heading over to their office, I know exactly where to find them, and… my face is red, my firsts tight, there’s anger in my eyes, I have a history of violence and property destruction, and arson too.  My visit won’t be good for them, Doc.  Tell them that.  You’ll see how fast they pay. It always works.” [Stranger slumps into doctors’ sofa and stares emphatically.  There is nothing but silence.]

If you chose:

(a) and (b). Great.  Please send 550 dollars to your favorite charity.  Personally, we recommend the American Association of Poor Psychiatrists Who Are Trying To Publish a Book, but the choice is up to you.  Thanks.
(c) No, not the cash registers again.  That’s it.  We can’t take anymore.  Ladies and gentleman, quiz is over.
(BTW, if you chose (d) there’s no charge.  Ever.  Just don’t hurt us.)


That’s enough FAQ for now.  Thanks for joining us today, and make sure to visit again.  Until next time.

Back to the List of everything.

 

 

 

 

 

The random & the odd

red and multicolored figure

Welcome to the Weird & Wacky Workbook‘s “Random & Odd” section.  That first sentence was a mouthful.  The authors apologize for any discomfort and encourage you to keep reading.

This website represents the Weird and Wacky Workbook for Recovery, a self-help manual for addiction that’ll hopefully be available in 2020.  If you appreciate the random and the odd, whether you have an addiction or not, then you’re in the right place.  You’ll find a list of random and odd articles below.

You’re still here?  Oh so cool.  Here’s that list.

This book does not include ostriches.
Flying cash registers and you
If you are a dreamer, come in
T or F: German reality TV show follows alcoholic as he chooses sobriety vs bottle


freud - note to self - list too short

(Ooop, only four articles.  As you can tell, we’re under construction — this website just launched a month ago.  Please standby while we enhance our selection.  Thanks)

 

Recovery goes to the movies!

woman sitting inside a theater

For those of you just joining us: you’ve reached the Journey into Recovery: a Weird and Wacky Addiction Workbook for Recovery, or the book’s website at least.  Welcome, and hang out a while.  You don’t have to have an addiction to laugh at our bad jokes.  Below is a sample worksheet.


Based on narrative therapy, this worksheet gives the reader a chance to stand back and observe their relationship with addiction from a distance

movie jpeg

Return to List of everything

 

 

This book does not include ostriches.

The authors regret to inform their readers that the Weird and Wacky Workbook for Recovery (a book in process) doesn’t come with music.  No drum lessons, ostriches, trips to Russia, or cruises around the world either.

Let us explain.  In the beginning, we’d hoped to share Weird and Wacky Workbook for Recovery to all who would read it, and even those who wouldn’t.  Addiction is killing people.  We wanted to make a difference.

And boy we had plans.  The book would come with a vivid and stagey soundtrack, something like Yat – Kha’s “Karangailyg Kara Khovaa.”   To round things out, we decided to include free drum lessons, 10 baby ostriches, and a trip to Russia to meet Yat-Kha personally.  The plans evolved.  Our music library grew.  Soon it included 31 songs, ranging from Mozart and Marilyn Manson to Stromae, Tiesto, and Depeche Mode.  The rest of our plans evolved too.  The drum lessons shifted into a degree in music.  The ostriches now came with a 20 acre property.  The trip to Russia transitioned into a cruise around the world times five.

It was enlightening.  We imagined our readers dancing in the candle light, prancing with our choice of music, oh-so-pleased with life — and free from drugs.  A degree reading “Doctor of Music” hung on the wall.  The ostriches watched in the background.  Souvenirs from Russia, Brazil, South Africa, and France sat on the mantle.  Addiction had been eradicated.  We’d learned how to communicate with dolphins.  We didn’t need gas to drive our cars anymore.  The universe was in harmony.  Mankind had meaning.

That didn’t happen.  The “open a book and hear music” idea was abandoned when the authors couldn’t agree on the songs.  The drum lessons drove the neighbors crazy.  The ostriches grew up and started kicking people.  The trip to Russia and cruise bottomed out our budget.  And we had no budget to start with.  (We forgot about that detail.)

So that’s why we have no music, drum lessons, ostriches, trips to Russia, or cruises around the world.

The remedy is simple enough.  Dear reader, please choose a great set of songs for your book-reading adventures, and imagine they’re from us.  Make sure the set is a life-track, something vivid and stagey, yes, but something that makes you want to dance.  Or sway a little.  Then play it often and enjoy.

As for the drum lessons, ostriches, autographed picture of Marilyn Monroe, secretary, degrees, and world trips… if you do any or get any of these, we wouldn’t mind taking credit for them too.  Especially the ostriches.  Ostriches are cool.

Thank you.